April 21, 2010

my heart feels too big for my body
it beats
and my sides move
my hands shake
i break

open wide guts out
for you to see
writhing
walk away

i scream with arrows all tied up in sheaths still
hits you like a thud
not the cuts i intended
i break

up in the clouds
there is no heat hot
enough for me
i want to burn up like hell swallowed
it’s final gulp

i sit up at night
rivers out of my face
like i was a texas spring
trying to flood Low Water Crossings
in hopes that you can’t get away as fast

i end up alone.
i know it is my own design
inability to reach out. lazy about forging good friendships.
but i just wanted it to be me and one other against the world.
and it’s my own fight.

my own.

my heart feels too big for my body
i haven’t eaten in two days
and it makes your heart beat real big
like a circus show
and it makes sleep harder
than the crying did
i want to cry more, to make me tired to sleep better to work harder tomorrow at somethingidontknowwhatreally except that i don’t want to hurt you anymore
but i will put on a face in the morning and pretend i am with it and

and

i break